and she was petting her beer can
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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