Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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