The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
