I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
