im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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