how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
