Nicole vs. Life
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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