Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We need a shit load of segways right now
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
