So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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