R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
