It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
