there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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