dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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