I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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