She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
