I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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