I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
