I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
