Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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