I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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