and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
