She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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