i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
