i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
