do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
