A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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