Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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