Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
