You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
