the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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