before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
