Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
literally had 100 drinks last night.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
