My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
