I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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