that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no, he came in my armpit
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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