turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
