we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
where are you?
Hypothermia
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
