I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
