I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
