Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
