your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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