You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
