so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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