So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
