Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
