Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
