you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
