The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
