he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
