I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
