I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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