It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
