I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
