This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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