he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
