On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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